You Give Love a Bad Name

I can be a true Israelite all the time sometimes. I get in a particular rut, pray, God leads me out of it, I have the "ah-ha!" moment, say I'll never forget this lesson and the clarity I have now, go about my life then... find myself in another rut that I can't get out of. This cycle repeats itself far more than I would like. I have wised up a little, though. I can, in hindsight, see the warning signs: not reading my Bible regularly, not seriously praying on a regular basis, letting my thoughts of God become less and less frequent and my thoughts of self-importance and self-pity become more and more frequent. You get the idea (I turn into the Devil's playground). And these things are the catalysts that lead to increased frustration, irritableness, anxiety, and an overall bad attitude. I sound like a peach, huh?!


You should also know that I cannot compartmentalize. At all. I would be a terrible Sydney Bristow. Everything is connected to everything else. You're rolling you eyes at me suggest that you have a bad attitude about something which suggests you may have issues with authority and obedience which suggests that you may have issues with your parents, teachers, pastor, etc., and so on... You see, to me, it's not simply "an eye roll".


I coach a Varsity softball team. A team that consists of teenage girls. Teenage girls who, like all other teenage girls, are still trying to find themselves, who they are in Christ (or if they even care about God at all), where they fit into it all, why all the  boys doesn't like them, why girls don't like them (though, they hate those girls anyway). Girls who don't have the perspective to properly see their issues, situation, how blessed they are and how important the things they blow off really are. This isn't a knock toward them or teenage girls across the world; it's just the facts of teenagers. I was one once (not TOO long ago...) so I think I am aloud to at least incriminate myself, no? Anyhow, knowing this is how teenagers will be until the end of time, I started off the season already on my guard. I was *already* irritated at what I expected them to do (great attitude, right?). I had past experiences that made me slightly cynical and jaded. I truly wanted to help them be better players, be a reflection of Christ and tie those 2 things together to provide them with valuable life lessons. 


"...Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8


I was kind of doing the opposite of this. I'm pretty sure when we do the opposite of what God commands, we wind up pushing people away from Christ and not drawing them into Him... But, yanno, I could be wrong...


Anyhow, after months (ok, years) of battling my frustrations, I prayed for a change in my attitude. I didn't want everything to make me angry or elicit a negative response from me (not just in coaching, mind you). Finally, one Sunday, after a message I can't specifically recount, I was convicted and truly prayed to be released from my bondage so that I could 1. be free, and 2. truly show Christ to others. I always thought people had such a negative opinion of me; people obviously thought I wasn't a true Christian because I wasn't always sweet, happy, fun, perfect... And, hey, that may have been the case! I was kind of a turd. 


I definitely felt different after that, and still do. I am SO thankful that God walked me through this to show me the negative consequences of what were good intentions that were terribly implemented.


"Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” Matthew 12:3


Talk about a punch to the gut. So often we breeze over verses without really thinking about their meaning. We think, "Oh, that sounds nice. Next." This is a pretty weighty verse, though. Out of the overflow of the heart. Whatever is in your heart is what is coming out. Now, if you're a kind-hearted individual with always good intentions who is a true servant of others, this verse can provide solace (depending on your perspective, of course). If you're like the aforementioned person above, this verse can be an arrow right in the heart. Don't be that person. I didn't like it and I'm pretty sure other people didn't, either. Deal? Deal.

Inevitable Valentines Post

Ah, Valetine's Day is upon us. Generally, us single folk hate this day as it points the most obvious finger at our singleness. I am still not generally fond of the day when I don't have a companion to share in the love-ey festivities, but I'm realizing more and more that lacking boyfriend/fiance/husband doesn't mean that I can't still show love. There are others who desperately need some sign that they matter and, on the day that they *really* feel like they don't, this is the perfect time to love on a stranger, a friend, a grandparent, etc.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. - Song of Solomon 4:7

Seriously, no man on this earth is going to be capable of romancing my heart like Jesus. I can get so caught up in the fact that I am "single" that I forget Jesus is a husband to the husbandless. Why is he less deserving of that title than an earthly man who can never truly fulfill me or my needs? Yes, I believe that I will get married and to a man who will fulfill needs... But... I don't have to. If I were to stay single for the rest of my life, I would still have everything I need, and more. He knows me more deeply than anyone ever has or ever will (I am working on making this fact instead of a mantra that I continually repeat to myself).

So, even if I don't get Lindt chocolates, a dozen roses, a stuffed animal, a card, a giant, heart-shaped balloon, or Tim Tebow standing at my door holding all of this in his arms, I can still take part in this day of love.

I'm going to go all high school on you and post some lyrics. This is my Valentine's Day song and it's kind of my favorite... This one goes out to all the single ladies (and fellahs) out there ;)

I don't believe we've met before
But then again, I guess I can't be so sure

'Cause maybe I passed you by

A hundred times today

If ever you might think of me

Know that I've been thinking right much of thee

And maybe I'm not in your eyes

But one day I, I will come

I count the stars alone each night

And wonder where you're sleeping at this very time

I stroll the streets in daydreams of where our love might lead

And every February I will think of you

And practice writing valentines

'Cause maybe I'm not in your eyes

But one day I, I will come

See what's the hurry? What's the point of being hasty?

Why waken love before it's time?

Why would I give my heart away to strangers?

Instead I'll just wait till you're mine

I will come like a knight in Arthur's day

I will sweep your heart away

And I'll mean it when I say

You're my one and only

And together we will fly

Sometimes through the blackest nights

Holding on tight for now and forever after

If ever you might think of me

Know that I've been thinking right much of thee

And maybe I'm not in your eyes

But one day I, I will come 

Stay Away from Street Corners

Maybe I shouldn't be so gung-ho with this "blog once a week" thing... I don't see that happening as I can hardly come up with something to say after 3 weeks ...

So, I have decided I need to do something about this whole "I look like I'm 13" thing. Again, new year, new beginnings, new... whatevz. The other day, I was stopped in the mall and asked to participate in a drawing for girls 9-17. I tried to tell her that I wasn't qualified to partake of this raffle. She then told me that I most surely did as it is for girls *up to* 17, as if I misheard her. Excuse me, ma'am. I am 24. Yes. Did I mention she hardly noticed my 17 year old sister and only focused on me... her 7 year elder? This is not my first run in with the "What grade are you in?" offenders.

My mother also says I dress like a teenager. But... how do I change this without buying clothes from Talbots, wearing boxy jackets and big, block-healed shoes? I think I will go to Sephora and see if they can help me out, given my makeup routine is a little lacking in the experience... Maybe lipstick? I hear a darker lipstick helps. My only concern is that I don't want to walk away looking like a hooker.