I think some of my co-workers have forgotten that I still work here... I was gone all last week for the Jesus Culture: Awakening conference. I was really excited about it and felt like this could be my moment. That this might be when God reveals my next step!
Well, the conference was definitely not what I expected. In truth, I didn't know what to expect. I had barely heard of some of the speakers and never heard of others. I just knew Jesus Culture and Hillsong United would be leading worship so, I was in. Let me just say, the worship was AH-mazing. Sometimes I would just watch the crowd sing. 15,000 people singing to God is an astounding thing to watch and hear... The first session was fantastic. The second session was OK. But I was quickly realizing that this wasn't a preaching or teaching conference. After the fact, I was talking with my dear friend, Leah, and she used the word "impartation". These world renowned speakers were passing the torch onto the next generation. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a bad thing! It's fantastic for those who have gained wisdom that comes with practicing your faith for so many years to hand that wisdom on to the next generation. I just wasn't entirely sure I wanted everything that was being passed down...
Now, I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I believe the Spirit lives inside us and works through us. I believe in spiritual gifts, supernatural occurrences, miracles, the whole 9 yards. However, I want to live these things out the way God intended. I don't want to be radical for that sake of being "different". I don't want to use my gifting(s) to draw attention away from what God is trying to accomplish. That being said, I saw some things that now have my heart a bit conflicted. I saw people being radical for attentions sake. I saw people praying for others so they would feel something, it seemed. I heard people, MANY people, speaking in tongues without interpretation. I don't want to be "that person" who is always pointing to the rule book but, really, Paul addresses these things in Corinthians for a reason, no? These things have me wondering, now, about how we should conduct ourselves as Christians, how we worship, and what our lives are saying to the unbelievers around us.
I kept looking at this particular young camera man. I kept watching his face and posture to see if he was buying this. I wanted to see if he felt what these thousands of others were screaming about. He just stood there with a blank expression on his face, not irritated but indifferent at the most lenient explanation. I wanted to talk to him! I mean, was this freaking him out? Was he mulling over the messages he heard or was he now more closed off to hearing about God than when the conference began? I know we aren't to act differently or change in an effort to bring others to Christ but, were these people acting "right"? Even I was a little freaked out at times, and not in a good way...
I am in no way perfect and I don't have it all figured out. I don't want to judge someone's faith out of indignation. I do not know the heart of any of the strangers at the conference to know how pure their intentions were or are. I merely want to read what the Bible says and live it out as honestly as I can. I was looking for something to study before I left (Bible wise) and now I have it--speaking in tongues/the church of Corinth. I don't want to see someone being "crazy for Jesus" when they are merely trying to bring attention to themselves and basically distracting people from seeing who Jesus really is. God is not a God of confusion or distraction. I Corinthians 14:33 "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..."
I came away from this conference confused and unnerved. I may be overreacting but I tend to do this when I find there may be fault in my faith (I suppose that isn't a terrible thing to overreact about though!). I pray that God uses this to draw me closer to His heart, that I would truly know Him for who He is and that I would gain proper wisdom from the study of His word.
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